Dear Mr. Darwin,
First, let me say that I do appreciate the fact that your work helped reduce the former stranglehold of religion to a mere yoke upon us all. However, I can’t help but scoff openly at your suggestion that your theory of natural selection, (later called survival of the fittest), might apply to humans. I’d also like to point out that the current selection of humans is anything but natural.
Your theory may be accurate for other animals in the animal kingdom. I don’t dispute evidence that proves that other species have been able to adapt to their environments through advantageous genetic mutations caused by environmental factors. However, to apply this theory to humans is sheer folly. Why? Because humans refuse to adapt to their environment. They force their environment to adapt to them—even if that means destroying it.
Brute force and the willingness to use it has become the single most determining factor in survival. Fitness is not even in the equation any longer. After generations of evolution, the smartest, strongest human can be killed in an instant by any sadistic idiot with a gun or a bomb. Once their competition is dead, the unfittest survivors enter popularity contests that offer more power as the grand prize. We call the winners of those contests Senators. (They always vote to send their competition—smart, attractive, young people— to die in wars.)
Your theory is now used as a tool to enable these unfit brutes to justify their violence and proclaim themselves the fittest by virtue of having survived the wars they start! Let’s quibble a moment about the definition of fit, shall we? The definition of fittest is now whoever has the most money and the most deadly weapons. Those who define it that way also seem to believe that the fittest are entitled to enslave the rest of humanity in perpetuity—and with impunity. A pox on your theory, Mr. Darwin, which failed to factor in the development of weapons of mass terror and destruction. I checked, and guns had already been invented when you wrote your book.
That’s why I’m proposing a new theory to apply to humans—the Theory of Unnatural Selection. An unnatural selection is what you make when you’re only offered two kinds of evil to choose from. Do you want to be killed by a bomb, or do you want to work in a bomb factory to survive? Would you like to pay $300 a month for gasoline and skip a few meals, or would you like to fund some weapons and soldiers to take someone else’s gasoline? Who would you like as your leader—a liar, a pedophile, a sociopath, or a thief? Oh, Mr. Darwin, how I wish humans could, at least once before their extinction, experience natural selection. You shouldn’t have given us hope.